Breathtaking

If you haven't heard of Breathtaking by Miss Amber Nichole Metz you should definitely go to your local christian bookstore and buy a copy. It's really a beautiful book and testimony of how she relied on her faith while waiting to receive a double lung transplant.
It's really beautiful to hear that people still have this kind of faith, its actually faith, not religion, and there truly is a difference. While I think its a beautiful book it is at the same time, really frustrating to read. I ask myself "why don't I have that kind of faith?" And I try so hard to have that sort of faith and believe that everything happens for a reason and that something greater than myself has everything under control, but that's extremely difficult when you can't feel anything pulling you or anything "speaking" to you.
It's so hard to understand how if there is something out there and you try to believe, you feel nothing. I wish I could be as passionate about anything as Amber is about her faith, about her relationship with God. I want so badly to feel as she feels, to feel alive before AND after she received a new set of lungs. It is amazing to think that someone as young as us could be completely ready to die, completely accepting of whatever happens, whatever God wills, or fate or whatever you believe in.
I guess I'm looking for a sign, and they're a little hard to come by.